Introduction
Marriage in Islam is more than a social contract — it is a sacred bond built on balance, love, and divine wisdom. Yet in modern times, many discussions about marriage proposals, engagement, and gender roles in Islamic law have become clouded by misunderstanding. Some critics argue that Islamic marriage laws portray women as passive or secondary, especially because men traditionally make the proposal. But when examined deeply, the Islamic view reveals something far more dignified — a structure designed to protect women’s honor, elevate their status, and maintain harmony between the sexes.
This article explores these ideas through the lens of Islamic philosophy and natural design, drawing from the analysis of the renowned Islamic scholar Martyr Murtadha Mutahhari. It discusses misconceptions about Islamic Civil Law, the logic behind a man proposing marriage, and how these laws actually safeguard women’s respect, not diminish it.
The Beginning of the Debate
In his critique of modern Civil Law proposals, Mutahhari explains that many of the new “forty articles” relating to marriage and engagement were not based directly on Islamic teachings. Instead, they were inspired by modern interpretations that overlooked the spirit and depth of Shariah. These proposals questioned why Islamic law allows men to initiate marriage proposals, suggesting that this reflects an outdated or “reactionary” mindset.
However, Mutahhari argues that such a view arises from misunderstanding both Islamic law and human nature. Islamic principles do not reduce women to property or men to owners — rather, they acknowledge the natural tendencies and psychological differences between the sexes that complement one another.
Does a Man’s Proposal Insult a Woman?
A key question raised by modern reformists is whether it is degrading for a man to propose marriage. Does it make the woman seem like a “commodity” being offered or “purchased”?
At first glance, Article 1034 of the Civil Law — which states that “a man may propose marriage to any woman free from impediments” — might appear one-sided. But as Mutahhari points out, this does not assign superiority or ownership to men. It simply reflects a natural process found not only in human society but throughout creation. The proposal is not an act of domination; it is an act of desire, affection, and responsibility.
The language of the law, though seemingly simple, follows nature’s pattern: man as the initiator and woman as the center of attraction. This balance is not meant to suppress women but to protect their dignity. The act of proposing recognizes a woman’s higher emotional and social value — she is sought, respected, and chosen.
Nature’s Wisdom: The Instinct of Attraction
From the beginning of time, man has approached woman with affection and admiration. This instinctive behavior is not social conditioning but part of creation’s design. Mutahhari explains it beautifully through poetic metaphors: “Nature has made woman the flower and man the nightingale, woman the lamp and man the moth.”
Men are naturally driven to seek and ask, while women are designed to attract and inspire love. This divine polarity sustains respect between the sexes. It gives women a position of choice — they are not forced to chase affection but receive it with dignity. When a woman retains modesty and grace, she maintains her spiritual and emotional power, while the man fulfills his role as the protector and seeker.
To reverse these roles in the name of “equality,” Mutahhari argues, would disturb the very harmony that protects a woman’s honor.
The Wisdom Behind a Woman’s Reserve
It is contrary to the nature of womanhood to chase after a man for marriage. A man’s dignity allows him to take initiative and face rejection; he may propose several times without losing his self-respect. But for a woman, rejection after she actively seeks a man’s hand can be socially and emotionally damaging.
Psychologists, such as William James, have also recognized that a woman’s self-control and reserve are not mere social habits but learned behaviors that protect her dignity. Throughout history, women have realized that their prestige lies in remaining a source of attraction — not in running after affection. This principle exists even in the animal world: males compete for females, while females attract through beauty and restraint.
Thus, in Islam, a woman’s modesty and waiting to be approached are not forms of weakness but expressions of strength. They ensure that her consent is valued, her position is elevated, and her self-worth is preserved.
Man’s Desire Is Not Ownership
Critics often misinterpret the male initiative in proposing marriage as a sign of male dominance. Mutahhari rejects this claim. To desire something does not mean to own it. Students desire knowledge, but they do not “own” their teachers; seekers desire wisdom but are not its masters.
Similarly, a man’s longing for union with a woman stems from admiration, not ownership. Love in Islam is not a transaction — it is a sacred connection rooted in respect, affection, and responsibility. The man’s proposal reflects his willingness to assume duties — to protect, maintain, and cherish his wife — not to enslave her.
To consider a man’s initiative as an insult to women is to misunderstand the poetry of human nature. As the Persian poet Hafiz writes:
“Shiraz is the home of ruby lips and the mine of beauty;
I am a penniless jeweler, and it makes me anxious.”
Here, the poet’s admiration is not derogatory; it is a declaration of reverence. The woman’s charm inspires love, humility, and respect. Her value lies in being desired — not possessed.
Preserving Women’s Dignity Through the Proposal Custom
According to Mutahhari, the custom of men proposing marriage is a “safe and wise way of safeguarding the honor and prestige of women.” By assigning the act of pursuit to men, Islam gives women a natural shield. The woman’s “yes” becomes an act of empowerment and choice, not submission. She retains the power to accept or decline, while her modesty enhances her worth in society.
In contrast, when both genders are made equally responsible for proposing — as some modern legal reforms suggest — it may appear fair on the surface but actually harms women’s emotional and social standing. Equality in form can lead to inequality in effect. Islam’s framework ensures both dignity and protection for the woman while maintaining balance in human relationships.
Engagement and Civil Law: Clarifying Misconceptions
Another issue Mutahhari addresses is the misunderstanding of engagement laws. Critics like Mr. Mahdavi, who wrote the “forty proposals,” claimed that the Civil Law failed to impose legal responsibility during engagement. They argued that since engagement does not legally bind the couple to marry, the law overlooks the financial and emotional expenses involved.
Mutahhari clarifies that this is a misreading of the law. Articles 1036 and 1037 of the Civil Code already provide remedies. If one party breaks the engagement without reasonable grounds, they are liable to compensate the other for expenses incurred and must return gifts exchanged in anticipation of marriage. The law even recognizes damages for the families involved if they were misled.
In short, Islamic Civil Law does not ignore fairness. It balances compassion with accountability. The intention of these laws is not to create burdens but to prevent exploitation and protect both sides — particularly the woman, who could be more vulnerable in cases of broken engagements.
The Problem of Misinterpretation
Mutahhari strongly criticizes reformers who attempt to rewrite Islamic law without fully understanding its depth. He points out that some, like Mr. Mahdavi, even misread the phrase “without reasonable grounds” in the law, mistaking it for “without any reason.” Such errors reveal a lack of scholarly precision. Changing divine law based on incomplete understanding is dangerous because Islamic law is built on centuries of wisdom, logic, and revelation — not on passing trends.
He warns that those who try to “improve” divine law in superficial ways may actually harm the very people they claim to help — much like “those who, in trying to perfect a woman’s eyebrows, end up blinding her eyes.” Attempts to modernize Islamic principles without understanding their spirit can destroy the balance that ensures women’s respect.
The Harmony Between Law and Nature
One of the most powerful arguments Mutahhari presents is that Islamic law is in harmony with the law of creation. The system of proposals, marriage, and engagement mirrors the natural instincts that Allah has placed in both men and women. The man’s role as initiator corresponds to his strength, while the woman’s role as responder corresponds to her delicacy and emotional depth.
Islamic law seeks not to erase these distinctions but to elevate them. It transforms natural instincts into ethical responsibilities — making the man accountable for protection and provision, and the woman the guardian of affection and moral purity.
To force artificial equality — such as requiring women to initiate proposals — is to work against nature’s design. True equality lies not in sameness but in balance and justice.
Conclusion: Islam Honors Women Through Divine Wisdom
The Islamic system of marriage proposals and engagements is not an outdated cultural practice but a reflection of divine wisdom. By allowing men to propose and women to choose, Islam maintains the dignity, modesty, and balance that are vital for a healthy society.
Mutahhari’s analysis teaches us that modernity should not mean rejecting natural law. The emotional, psychological, and spiritual structure of men and women is complementary, not competitive. When this divine harmony is respected, both sexes flourish — love becomes sincere, relationships remain stable, and families thrive.
Thus, instead of questioning why Islam allows men to propose, we should understand how this system protects the most precious value in society — the honor of women.
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