Criteria of Spouse Selection (3)

SEVENTH: KNOWLEDGE AND EDUCATION

Knowledge and education hold immense importance in shaping a person’s success, manners, and overall happiness. In Islam, learning is not merely encouraged—it is made an obligation upon every Muslim, both male and female. True knowledge enlightens the mind, purifies the heart, and benefits the entire community.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) stated:

“Seeking knowledge is an obligation upon every Muslim.” (Hadith)

When selecting a life partner, education and intellectual awareness should be highly valued. A knowledgeable and wise spouse brings insight, balance, and sound guidance into family life. Such understanding helps in raising children with moral and spiritual values and strengthens the couple’s emotional and practical bond.

However, education, like beauty, should not be considered the foundation of marriage, but rather a complementary quality that enhances life when combined with faith and good character. Knowledge without belief can mislead, just as beauty without modesty can become a source of harm.

Equally important is the compatibility in educational level between husband and wife, as harmony in this area contributes to mutual understanding—a topic further discussed in the next section on equity and compatibility.

EIGHTH: BEING EACH OTHER’S MATCH – EQUITY AND COMPATIBILITY

Earlier, it was mentioned that choosing a spouse is among the most critical decisions in life. The essence of this decision lies in equity and balance—the harmony and compatibility between two people entering into marriage.

What Does Compatibility Mean?

Compatibility refers to balance, proportion, and harmony between the husband and wife—in their beliefs, behavior, morals, education, and even lifestyle. Marriage is the union of two individuals and their families; the stronger the understanding and coordination between them, the more peaceful, joyful, and lasting the relationship becomes.

When there is a lack of balance, marital life often becomes unstable and full of conflict. Many family problems arise because couples were not well-matched from the beginning. Hence, while goodness and faith are vital, mutual suitability is equally important when choosing a spouse.

Every man and woman is capable of marriage, but success depends on finding the right partner who complements the other. Many of today’s unhappy marriages result from ignoring compatibility before marriage. Had this aspect been considered earlier, many problems could have been avoided.

A Real-Life Example

To illustrate this, consider the story of Ismail and Safoora. Both were religious, educated, and morally upright individuals who deeply respected Islamic teachings. However, their upbringings were vastly different—Ismail came from a rural background, while Safoora grew up in an urban environment. Their cultural, social, and emotional differences created a wide gap between them.

Although both loved Islam, their perspectives on religious practices, family life, and child-rearing were entirely different. They were unable to understand or adapt to each other’s viewpoints. Despite seeking advice and mediation, their differences only grew deeper, and eventually, they parted ways in divorce—leaving their child as the unfortunate victim of their incompatibility.

This example highlights that even two good, religious individuals can fail in marriage if they lack harmony in mindset, culture, and temperament.

Key Causes of Incompatibility in Marriage

1. Cultural and Ideological Differences – Different social environments and beliefs lead to misunderstanding.

2. Emotional and Psychological Gaps – Differing emotional needs and attitudes can cause distance.

3. Differences in Lifestyle and Preferences – Taste, priorities, and interests may clash.

4. Physical and Sexual Mismatch – One partner may have stronger physical needs than the other.

5. Moral Disparity – Differences in patience, kindness, or temperament can cause friction.

6. Lack of Physical Attraction – Unequal satisfaction in appearance and attraction often becomes a silent issue.

7. Family Conflicts – Discomfort or disagreement with in-laws and relatives can create tension.

Clarification

This does not mean that a person from a village cannot marry someone from a city, or vice versa. Many such marriages succeed beautifully. What truly matters is spiritual, mental, and emotional compatibility. Islam teaches that superiority lies only in piety and righteousness, not social status or wealth.

“Surely, the most honorable of you with Allah is the most righteous of you.” (Qur’an 49:13)

TYPES OF COMPATIBILITY IN MARRIAGE

1. Religious Compatibility

A faithful and practicing Muslim should ideally marry someone who shares the same level of belief and commitment. The Prophet (peace be upon him) was asked whom one should marry. He replied:

“Those who are compatible.”
When asked further, he said:
“Believers are compatible with one another.”

Faith, therefore, is the foundation of true compatibility. If one spouse is religious and the other is not, their differences in values can lead to constant tension and misguidance. While there are rare cases where a religious partner positively influences an irreligious one, such outcomes are exceptions and cannot be relied upon as a rule.

2. Cultural and Intellectual Compatibility

A couple should share similar levels of understanding, reasoning, and cultural background. This helps them take unified decisions and handle family responsibilities together. Imam Ja’far al-Sadiq (a.s) advised:

“The intelligent should only be joined with the wise.”
Such harmony strengthens family life and helps in raising well-balanced children.

3. Moral Compatibility

Moral harmony is just as vital as religious faith. A couple may both be pious, yet their temperaments might clash. The story of Zaid ibn Harithah and Zaynab (may Allah be pleased with them) shows that moral incompatibility, even among good people, can lead to conflict. Thus, good character and patience are essential for a successful marriage.

4. Educational Compatibility

A husband and wife should ideally be close in educational level and intellectual capacity. Large gaps in education can create misunderstanding or pride. However, this criterion must always come after faith, morals, and humility. Education should serve as a bridge, not a barrier, between spouses.

Conclusion

In Islam, a successful marriage is built on faith, understanding, and compatibility. Education, intellect, and social standing are valuable, but they must never overshadow piety and good character. When couples share balanced beliefs, respect, and cooperation, their relationship becomes not just a union of two individuals—but a partnership of the soul, rooted in love, wisdom, and devotion to Allah.