Part 2: Criteria for Choosing a Spouse in Islam
THIRD: The Nobility of the Family
Family background plays a meaningful role in shaping an individual’s character and values. In Islam, nobility of the family doesn’t mean wealth, fame, or high social standing — rather, it means modesty, piety, and moral purity.
When a person grows up in a home guided by faith, honesty, and respect for others, those qualities often become part of their nature. Similarly, a corrupt household can influence one’s character negatively, even if the individual seems righteous at first glance.
Imam al-Sadiq (peace be upon him) said:
“Look carefully at where you place your daughter, for lineage can influence character.”
This shows that Islam values the moral atmosphere of a family, not its worldly rank. A good family environment nurtures faith and humility, while a bad one may breed arrogance or corruption.
FOURTH: Beauty and Attraction
Islam recognizes the importance of physical attraction in marriage. It is natural and even encouraged, as long as it remains within moral boundaries. A husband and wife should find each other pleasant to look at, because mutual attraction strengthens emotional connection and reduces temptation.
However, beauty should not be the main reason for choosing a spouse. It fades with time, while good character and faith remain forever.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“Do not marry women only for their beauty, for their beauty may lead them to destruction. Do not marry them only for wealth, for wealth may make them arrogant. Marry them for their religion, for a religious woman will make you successful.”
(Al-Kafi)
In other words, beauty is a blessing, but piety is the true foundation of happiness.
FIFTH: Wealth and Financial Standing
Islam doesn’t forbid considering financial stability when choosing a spouse. Providing for a family is a serious responsibility, and a partner who is hardworking, responsible, and not wasteful can ensure a peaceful life.
However, wealth alone should not define the value of a person. A wealthy but arrogant or faithless spouse can bring misery.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) advised:
“If someone with whom you are pleased with his religion and character proposes to you, then marry him. If you do not do so, there will be fitnah (corruption) and great evil on the earth.”
(Tirmidhi)
This hadith teaches that faith and good character are far greater assets than money or property.
SIXTH: Moral Character and Conduct
Good manners (akhlaq) are among the most essential qualities in a spouse. A person’s behavior reflects their inner faith. Even if someone prays and fasts regularly, if they are harsh, arrogant, or dishonest, they will not make a peaceful partner.
Imam Ali (peace be upon him) said:
“Bad manners are a misfortune that cannot be tolerated.”
Marriage should bring calmness and mercy, not constant argument or pain. Therefore, a kind heart, patience, and humility are among the strongest foundations of a successful marriage.
SEVENTH: Knowledge and Education
Knowledge holds great importance in Islam. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
“Seeking knowledge is obligatory upon every Muslim man and woman.”
(Ibn Majah)
An educated spouse — whether through formal education or deep religious understanding — is a blessing. Such a person can guide the family toward righteousness, raise children with wisdom, and support their partner in every stage of life.
Education doesn’t just mean academic degrees; it also means understanding Islamic values, family responsibilities, and moral principles. A person with knowledge acts with awareness and fear of Allah in every decision.
THOSE WHOM YOU SHOULD NOT MARRY YOUR DAUGHTERS TO
Islam not only tells us whom to marry — it also warns us whom not to marry. A father or guardian should be extremely careful when choosing a husband for his daughter.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“Do not give your daughters in marriage to a man who drinks wine, for whoever marries his daughter to such a man has cut her ties with him.”
This means that parents must prioritize religion, honesty, and good conduct over all other traits. Marrying a righteous man ensures that a woman’s honor, faith, and happiness are protected.
Imam Ali (peace be upon him) also said:
“Beware of marrying your daughter to a fool, for his companionship is a misfortune.”
A foolish or immoral man can destroy the peace of an entire household. Therefore, Islamic teachings emphasize that a man’s faith, intellect, and moral integrity should come first — before beauty, wealth, or status.
FINAL ADVICE: The Foundation of a Blessed Marriage
When both partners share the same faith, values, and spiritual goals, marriage becomes a path to paradise. But when it’s based on lust, wealth, or appearance alone, it becomes a source of pain.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“The most perfect of believers in faith is the one who is best in manners and kindest to his wife.”
(Tirmidhi)
A blessed marriage begins with Taqwa (fear of Allah) and continues with kindness, patience, and mutual respect. When Allah is the center of your relationship, love grows stronger every day.
🌸 Conclusion
Choosing a spouse in Islam is not about fulfilling worldly desires — it’s about building a life of piety, peace, and partnership for the sake of Allah. Parents and youth alike must remember that a successful marriage starts with the right intention and the right foundation.
Faith should be the light that guides this decision. A home built upon sincerity, knowledge, and good manners will be filled with Allah’s blessings — in this world and the Hereafter.
“And those who say, ‘Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.’”
(Qur’an 25:74)
Notes:
- Holy Quran: Ra’d 13:38
- Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.233, Vafa Press
- Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.237
- Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.235
- Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.231
- Marriage in Islam, p.59
- Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.232
- Marriage in Islam, p.60
- Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.236
- Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.238
- Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.239
- Marriage in Islam, p.61
- Marriage in Islam, p.70
- Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.238
- Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.237
- Marriage in Islam, p.67
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